Author: Demelza Carlton
Genre: Paranormal romance/ Office Satire
Publish Date: 30th April 2014
Publisher: Lost Plot Press Event organized by: Literati Author Services, Inc.
~ Book Synopsis ~Hate your job? Try working in HELL! Melody Angel takes a job as a temp at the HELL Corporation. Surrounded by eternal bureaucracy gone mad, demons who love making life miserable, and dying for a decent coffee, it may take a miracle for Mel's mission to succeed. She must find out what evil plans the Lord of Lies has up his sleeve and stop him, using any means necessary. Lucifer and his minions are out to take over the world, but there's more than money at stake when the Devil drives. Adding trouble and temptation to Mel's job is Luce Iblis, the damnably hot CEO, who has set his smouldering eyes on the new office angel and is determined to claim her, body and soul. Can ultimate evil and angelic perfection escape a limbo of desire and find a paradise of their own?
Excerpt"Great, we'll see you in Hell at nine on Monday morning!" How can an angel survive in a corporate Hell? Mel accepted a job in the Health, Environment, Life and Lands Corporation - otherwise known as HELL. Dying for a decent coffee, surrounded by bureaucracy gone mad and demons who just love making life difficult, Mel must find out what Lucifer and his minions are really up to – before his Corporation goes global. Mel's no ordinary angel, but she's never dealt with demons before. Could the seductive CEO really be Lucifer himself? Are Luce's lusty looks all they seem, or is he after more than Mel's body? Does he have a hope in Hell with her, anyway? He's about to find out that this sweet angel's soul is not for sale. A tiny taste of what's in store: "Do you know how long you've made me wait?" Luce lifted his chin. "Close the door." Mel turned and kicked the door shut with the sole of one shoe. The click of it closing coincided with her eyes meeting Luce's once more. "Now strip and get your arse on the desk," Luce instructed. Mel stared at him. He couldn't be serious, could he? "Every other girl in this building knows how to do as she's told. Do you know how many girls I've had on this desk? You should consider yourself lucky. The last one I had in here was so quick getting undressed that I managed to give her a full fifteen minutes of my time. At this rate, you'll be lucky to have five." Mel became transfixed by the timber desktop. "Did you wipe it clean afterwards?" "What?" Luce's face reddened. "Did you wipe it clean afterwards?" Mel repeated patiently. "I mean, you work on it every day. Imagine how many diseases and strange germs each of your, er, accommodating staff members were carrying when they placed their bare behinds on your desk." The shock on Luce's face was priceless. He edged his chair away from the suddenly suspicious surface.
About the AuthorDemelza Carlton has always loved the ocean, but on her first snorkelling trip she found she was afraid of fish. She has since swum with sea lions, sharks and sea cucumbers and stood on spray drenched cliffs over a seething sea as a seven-metre cyclonic swell surged in, shattering a shipwreck below. Demelza now lives in Perth, Western Australia, the shark attack capital of the world. The Ocean's Gift series is her first foray into fiction, followed by her suspense thriller Nightmares trilogy. She swears the Mel Goes to Hell series ambushed her on a crowded train and wouldn't leave her alone.
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"It’s Gerry’s birthday on the weekend and we’re all putting in to get him a present," announced Merih. "What does everyone think about a new tablet and a mankini?"
Mel thought it would be quite expensive, but she didn’t say so. She also wondered why Gerry’s manager wanted him to have a mankini. She assumed that was a matter between the two of them.
Merih’s eyes swept the room. "So we’re agreed, then?"
Some heads nodded slowly. Merih’s eyes darted to each member of the group before fixing on Mel. "I’ll take care of the tablet. Mel, could you arrange a mankini?"
Mel was taken aback. Why would she know where to get a mankini? "I wouldn’t know where to start. I’ve never bought one before." She’d be content to never buy one at all, nor see one on any man she knew.
Merih laughed. "Ah, you’ll be fine. I’ll leave it to you. We need it for tomorrow, so hurry up!"
Mel saw Lili nod, smiling, so she resigned herself to the task. Executive officers execute orders, she reminded herself.
She sat at her computer and searched for mankinis. She discovered that they used to come as a free gift with Borat DVDs, but not any more. There were plenty on eBay, but there was no way she’d have it by tomorrow. All the other hits were pictures of men who owned a mankinis – one had huge tufts of black hair sticking out of it – or ads for sex shops.
She opened up tabs for a few and steeled herself for unpleasant research. She let out her breath in a relieved hiss as she clicked on the first page. It featured a warning message, telling her the page had been blocked because it might contain pornographic content.
It’s a sex shop, Mel thought. Of course it might contain pornographic content.
She clicked on the web address again, but the site was still blocked. She tried the next and the next…but they were all blocked. She jumped up and trotted over to Lili's cubicle.
"I can’t seem to find a mankini online, because the sex shops are blocked." Her voice carried over the cubicles and some heads popped up to glance at Mel before slowly shrinking out of sight.
"You can’t look at sex toys at work," Lili whispered.
Mel was both annoyed and confused. "But don’t we regulate prostitutes and brothels?"
Lili gave her the smile that made Mel feel stupid. "Yes, but not adult shops." She kept her voice low. "I guess you’ll just have to go out to one and see what they have. Ring them first, though."
Mel lowered her voice to match Lili’s. "I don’t know where they are. I’ve never been into a sex shop. I wouldn’t know what to ask for."
"Oh, the nearest one is on Murray Street," Lili said dismissively. "It’s called XXX or something. Their number should be in the phone book – ring them and I’ll escort you there so you don't get lost."
Mel rang the number on the phone book's website and explained to the chirpy woman on the phone what she was after.
"Oh, we have them in several colours. Which would you like? They’re part of the Bang Him range, sweetie." Mel wondered if the woman was testing out the merchandise under the phone desk, she sounded so cheerful.
"What colours do they come in?"
"Oh, there’s fluorescent green and pink, black lycra and black leather with or without studs, sweetie. I highly recommend the studs." The woman gave an excited giggle.
"Green," Mel said firmly. "Is it okay if I pick it up this afternoon?"
"Sure, sweetie," the woman purred. "We have plenty more in the Bang Him range that you might like."
Mel ended the call as quickly and politely as she could.
She and Lili drove to the adult shop and parked right out front, as Lili insisted, though it’s not as if the shop had a back entrance or rear car park.
Inside the shop, they were greeted by an excited woman clad in black and silver latex. She couldn't stop expressing how thrilled she’d be to help them. Mel wondered whether this was the suspected product-tester she'd spoken to on the phone.
"We’re here for the mankini? I rang earlier?" Mel asked hesitantly.
"Absolutely! Let me show you the whole range," the woman gushed. Her name badge read 'Mitzi'.
She took both girls over to a display that was clearly the province of the Bang Him range. Mel leaned over to look more closely at a strange-shaped item before she read the name and decided she didn’t want to know what it did.
"Are you sure you want the green, sweetie?" Mitzi cooed, her hand waving toward a studded black vinyl number.
Mel choked as she spotted a dildo so big she wondered how anyone could use it for anything but decoration.
Lili answered, "Green would be lovely. It’s for a work colleague."
"Oh, how delightful," Mitzi said with a wink. "Is there anything else you’d like?"
Mel tried to work out why they had a display of dildos with tentacles and what looked like strange torture implements, at 30% off, no less, in honour of the release of 'Monsters in the Dark', whatever they were, then decided that she didn’t want to know that, either. Surely monsters should be kept in the dark, where they belonged…
"No, thank you," Mel managed to say, swallowing hard. She decided she’d rather be in Hell than here.